What if...I'm Pretending?

What if the defintion of pretending is to deceive or give a false appearance? What if pretending can fool men but can't fool God? What if it's true that we are known by our fruits? What if Jesus was right in saying that not everyone who calls them their Lord will enter Heaven? (Matt 7:21) What if Satan wants me to believe I can sin and get away with it? What if God is not only a God of love and forgiveness, but also a God of justice and wrath?

What if it is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God? (Heb 10:31) What if my love for the things of this world reveal that I do not belong to Christ? (1 John 2:15) What if I should really examine myself to see if I am truly in the faith? (2 Cor 13:5) What if I have not honestly been broken over my sins against God and completely surrendered to the Lordship of Jesus Christ? What if I have broken God's commandments thousands of times without even caring that it spits in the face of God? What if God holds me accountable for every lie, every lustful thought, and every time I felt hatred toward a person? What if God considers my lust to be adultery and my hatred to be murder? (Matt 5:28, 1 Jn 3:15) What if I'm actually ignoring the God who gives me my every breath? What if I don't see myself as an enemy of God (because of my sin) who deserves nothing but eternity in hell? What if God does not desire for me to go to hell, and made a way for me to be forgiven? What if God took my punishment by dying on the cross in the person of Jesus Christ for my sins? What if this conviction in my heart is begging me to truly repent and put my faith in Jesus Christ alone to save me?

What if God had me read this for a reason? What if I'm pretending...

http://www.whatifimpretending.com/

I Feel So Loved

Many of you know that I went to the Great Banquet at the end of March, an awesome retreat in which loved ones and family members write wonderful letters of love and encouragement that are given to participants on the last day of the retreat. To those of you who wrote to me, thank you SO much! You were such a blessing. I have never been so overwhelmed with love and kindness by everyone who has been apart of my life, past and present. Tonight, I happen to be glancing through some of my letters again, and I wanted to share two of the most special ones. The first is from my mama...


My dearest Sarah, My first born,
From the moment I saw you, you stole my heart. I didn't know just how much God was working! My early attempts at parenting were somehow lacking. I couldn't put a name to it, but at times I felt very unworthy.
Boy did God wake me up in your teens. He kinda shook me and said, "Pay attention!"
Every up and down you have had since then was God refining you in the fire. I see you growing everyday into this fine, poised young lady, whom I am proud to call my daughter and friend.
You are compassionate, kind, loving, and loyal. And with God's help you will someday make a terrific wife and mother.
As I write this, there are so many thoughts swirling through my head. I love you fiercely and unconditionally. Your happiness and growth in God are my daily prayers for you. Your love of God comes first, and then your family and friends. You love with your whole heart, and that I can identify with.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers this weekend. Enjoy every minute of it!
Love Always,
Mom


Her letter meant so much to me, but I have to admit that I cried even more when I read my father's. He's short and to the point, but you know. Most men are. LOL I am close with both of my parents, but I have always been a daddy's girl. He wrote...


To my dear Sarah Jane,
What you mean to me is very simple. Through all of the trials and tribulations we have all gone through, God, you mother, and I have helped you to grow and prosper in the Lord. I feel like you are the most perfect accomplishment that we have worked on in my 53 years on the planet.
Love Always,
Dad


Now believe me, my relationship with them is far from perfect. But at the end of the day, it's impossible to put a price tag on their unconditional love and support. Thank you Lord for the gift of loving parents who see their children through!

Zenith 2008!!!

Well Zenith 2008 has come and gone. Man time flies when you're having fun! For those of you who aren't familiar, Zenith is a week-long Christian high school camp that's held every June on the campus of Oklahoma Christian University. I've been so privelaged and blessed to share in it and serve as a camp counselor every year but one since 2002. I had a great co-counselor this year who really loves the Lord, and we had an awesome bunch of kids we got to hang out with and share Jesus with all week. You guys rock, and I miss you already!

The week was amazing, and God was at work in alot of hearts like He usually is. I will NEVER grow tired of watching that. He also blessed me with the opportunity to share my testimony with my kids the last night of camp, and I was able to leave them with resources that God can continue to use in their lives and maybe even in the lives of their family and friends. For those of you who wanted more materials, they are on the way! Love you guys!

Group pic...

Goofy group pic...

Tanner, Collier, Kyle, Michael, and Jesse

Becca, Rachel, and Leighann

Kellie, Charlie, and Mikaela

My co-counselor Barret and I

Kara and Katie...LOL

Caitlan, Kara, me, Mikaela, and Katie Me and Elisha

Natalie Reed, Kelly, me, Brandi, and Niki Nowell

More fun pics...I miss you Nowells!

Celebrate Recovery

Timing is everything. I mean, God's timing is everything. Several of us from my church had been talking about and praying about whether God would have us to begin a recovery ministry at our church to help reach those in our pews and outside the church who are struggling to stay sober. Since all of us on the leadership team have our roots in a twelve step program, we naturally turned to the idea of Celebrate Recovery, which is a Christ-centered twelve step recovery program. Over a year ago several of us sat down to discuss the possiblitites with one of our pastoral staff, and for one reason or another, nothing ever came of it. I met with that staff member again in Januaray, really to ask what had happened to the idea. He assured me me that we had his support, and I promised to begin e-mailing the two others that I knew were interested in the ministry. Life happened though, and their e-mail addresses laid on my kitchen table for months before I remembered to e-mail them. Not only were they still interested, but they wanted to begin meeting as I did, to brainstorm and begin to really plow through all of the Celebrate Recovrey resources we could. Not even a week after I began e-mailing them, the pastoral staff member we'd been communicating with contacted each of us about a leadership training in Chicago on 6/14. All of us but one were able to go, and many others from the misistry staff at our church came too. I was thrilled to find out that another who had been set free from a sex addiction was coming as well, in hopes of begining a group at the Creek for those who struggle with porn and sex addiction. It is so needed. Much more than many realize.

We had a great time, and I really enjoyed getting to know some of them more. Some I met for the first time. I was pleasantly surprised at the intense focus on leadership at the conference, and was touched time and time again by the founders John and Cheryl Baker and by the countless testimonies of changed lives and marriages that had been a result of God working through a local Celebrate Recovery ministry. It is so much bigger than I thought...not just for addictions. I also heard testimonies of people God had set free from anger problems, co-dependency, eating issues, cutting, and past emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. I know that ours will start out smaller, with probably a focus on alcohol/drug dependency, and maybe co-depency or a men's sexual addiction group. Other Celebrate Recovery groups in our area have started the same. But it's pretty encouraging to see just how much God can make a group grow, rise up leaders for new groups, and bring healing, salvation, and wholeness to so many. We're so excited to see what the future holds!

www.CelebrateRecovery.com

Officially car-less!?!? Until Tuesday...

That's right. I've been taking a Financial Peace University class, and it's been one of the most eye-opening experiences I've had. With as much debt as I have, and as little money I make, I've made some pretty radical decisions to start the hard road of paying off ALL of my debt, in as little time as possible. One of those decisions was to sell my car, something that means so much to me. I've only had my new Vibe since late January, but after really looking into how much money I'd be paying in interest over the next 5 years, and also just how much I had left in principle, the best financial option became clear...sell it. So, on Thursday 6/12, I handed it over to the new owners. I was a little emotional, but I knew that my decision would impact my financial future in a good way. So I started looking for a pretty inexpensive car to pay cash with, which was pretty humbling, but good for me. God is good, and I knew that He'd provide what I needed. I have to admit that I started to get a little panicky though, when several cars I was seriously looking at either got bought out from underneath me or didn't check out well with my mechanic. As scary as it was at first, I knew it was all about trust. Since I decided to put my car up for sale in May, I prayed that if it was God's will for me to do so, that He would provide a buyer and another reliable car for me to drive.

So, without a car, and without one really in sight, I left on 6/13 for Chicago and then Oklahoma for a week, unsure of how I'd get to work the Monday I returned. Not only did I still not have a car, but I was out of town and not even able to look at any for more than a week! God is really something though. There was a guy at a local dealership who knew what I was looking for, how much money I had to spend, and knew that I was out of town. I gave him my father's cell number just in case he were to find anything while I was gone. And he did. He called my father, who came and testdrove the car, and my dad called me to let me know he thought I'd be impressed. I was able to get a deposit to the dealer, my dad was able to get it to my mechanic for a second check, and essentially the car was waiting for me when I got home! I got to close the deal on Tuesday, and drive home an 2001 Saturn SC 3-door coupe that's in EXCELLENT condition, deemed mechanically sound, and with lower mileage than I'd expected. In fact it only has 10K more than the Vibe I sold, and I paid less than half of what I bought my Vibe for! I ended up needing a little more money than I thought, but God provided that too. I've really just been amazed at how He's orchestrated this entire thing, but I shouldn't be surprised. That's the kind of God I serve.

My Vibe...

My new Saturn!

And do you want to know what else came of this? An opportunity to be a witness and plant seeds. When I went in on Monday, after getting back in town, to look at and test drive the car for myself, I was able to spend some time talking with the guy who had found the car for me. We got to talking and found out we had some things in common, and he ended up sharing a pretty neat article with me about a martyr from hundreds of years ago that God really used to make an impact on the world. This guy was impressed by the article, and I was touched that he wanted to share it with me. So, as we're walking across the parking lot to the other building for me to pay and get a receipt for the car, God prompted me to throw out a question. "Jim," I said, "can I ask you a weird question?" "Well, sure!" he said. "Jim, what do you think happens when we die?" He began talking about how some people believe there's nothing, some believe in reincarnation, etc. I said, "but what do you believe?" He said, "Well, I was raised Catholic, but honestly, I'd like to believe there's some kind of glorious afterlife." Reaching the next building, our conversation was promptly cut off, but I had hoped that maybe a seed had been planted to get him to think more about eternity.

Then as we left that building to walk across the parking lot back to the main building, HE began to pick up the converstation where we left off! Wow God is amazing. This guy wanted to talk about eternal things. Quite the opposite of what the Enemy tries to convince us of when he wants us to keep our mouths shut. He started to talk about how he really thought that there was so much more to this life than just working, accumulating stuff, and then dying. Then he said, "you know though, there are alot of scientists that have become atheists through their study." And I followed up with, "Yes, I know unfortunately, Jim. But did you know that there are also scientists who have become believers as a result of their study? You never hear about those, but their stories are just as real." "Really?" he said. "Definately," I said, "even just the fact that the human eye is more complex than any computer on the planet Jim...the deeper they did into the complexity and magnificence of creation and humankind, the more apparent it becomes that it's impossible that this all just happened by accident." "Wow," he agreed. "I know the galaxies are infinate, and it would only make sense that there would be an infinite being behind it all."

I left that day so grateful for our converstation, but God wasn't done. I had to go back the next day to have some scratches touched up, and God laid it on my heart to give Jim a thank you card, a tip, and a copy of One Heartbeat Away. It has answers to the questions that still linger in Jim's heart about what awaits us in eternity. He wasn't there, so I dropped it off for him. The next day he called and left me a voicemail to let me know that he was so thankful for the tip I left and the book, that he was touched that I had taken the time to do that for him, and that he started reading it the night before. He said he's going to finish it and hopes to maybe chat with me afterwards. I can't wait for the call. Please pray for Jim, that he would come to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. Kinda makes you wonder what was the real reason God convinced me to sell my car!

The Chapman's

Many of you know by now about the tragic death of Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman’s youngest and adopted 5 yr-old daughter that happened several days ago. I’m still in shock, and amazed at their faith and trust in God even through this terrible time of deep grief. My heart will probably never know the intense pain they are feeling as they struggle to come to grips with the loss. And yet the hope and strong faith they have in Christ Jesus reminds them that she is truly home, awaiting them. Click here to read a post from my friend Niki, and here to see the blog that has been created in her memory by the Chapman family. For those of you who are unfamiliar, Steven Curtis Chapman is one of the most well-known and award-winning contemporary Christian music artists of all time, whose music God has used in the lives of many, including my own. You can visit his website here. Please, please, please remember this family in your prayers. Please, please, please remember this family in your prayers.

What's Most Important?

Me, Mark Cahill, and Kelly

I’ve had so much going on. I always do. The more time goes on though, the more apparent it becomes to me that the enemy of our souls has done a fabulous job of distracting me from what’s most important in life. I keep wondering if he’s getting paid for all this overtime. At least what should be most important in the life of every Christian, and that’s sharing the truth about Jesus Christ and talking with others about eternity. It’s the only thing that’s going to matter 100 or even 1000 years from now. It’s not going to matter how much money I made this year, how much weight I did or didn’t lose, or what kind of car I drove. The only thing that will matter is what I did for the kingdom of God, who I told…who I loved.

I spent most of the weekend listening to two different men of God, as they boldly shared about the war for souls in our culture, the importance of being equipped to give an answer for the hope that I have, and having the obedience to do it. Mark Cahill, a brother in Christ that God has used so much in my own walk, to convict me and encourage me to be a bold and faithful woman for Jesus Christ, was one of the speakers. My friend Kelly and I got to talk with him after the conference and catch up. We e-mail him off and on, and he knows about many of the things God has done in our lives and how He’s moved us to get the truth to non-believers and encourage other brothers and sisters in the faith. We were privileged enough to get to chat with him and get a picture with him. There were so many of us who went to the Indy 500 track on Saturday and Sunday to talk with people about eternity and hand out Gospel tracts. We got into some great, interesting conversations! We plant the seeds, but God makes them grow.

I’ve been so moved by his book “One Thing You Can’t Do in Heaven” that I’ve tried to get as many copies as I can into the hands of fellow Christians. Most of us allow fear to get in the way of our compassion and concern for the eternal fate of others, when the reality is that God will give us the words to speak for Him if we simply are obedient and take the time to equip ourselves. The evidence is clear. The truth is there. Know it Christians. I’ve been so amazed and impressed by his book “One Heartbeat Away” that I’ve tried to get as many copies as possible into the hands of those who have questions, those who are unsure, and those who are skeptical about the great God we serve. It never ceases to amaze me how many people hear the truth, see the evidence for themselves, and are forever changed by Jesus Christ. Just as amazing to me as my own conversion, a radical supernatural change from a life riddled with sin and disbelief. I can’t even count the stories we heard this weekend of the many many hearts God is changing. If you’d like either one of these books, shoot me an e-mail, and it’s on me. I’d be privileged to get you one. Or you could click here to check out Mark’s website. He has both books on MP3 too, and it’s all by donation only. He’s not interested in your money. You can’t put a price tag on a soul. And if you could, it was paid 2,000 years ago on a cross.

Just some thoughts

I visited church with my friend Brandi today, and her minister said a few things that really spoke to me. So much so that I immediately scrambled for a pen so that I could jot them done and come back to them later...

"Real spirituality cannot be forced on the outside through rules and regulations. Real spirituality happens on the inside, and that inner change is made manifest on the outside."

This has been so true with me. People have only noticed such a change in me because of what God originated on the inside of me. What people see on the outside is actually an outflow of a new heart that is always being changed and shaped by God. It doesn't always change as fast as I'd like it to, and my self-will often slows down the process, but He is changing me none the less.

"Listening to the Word of God is good, but is not good enough. Reading the Word of God is good, but is still not good enough. It's only by obeying the Word of God that we change."

True again. I love God's Word and know the power that it has in my life when I feed my mind with it. I must confess though that I'm usually more worried about just reading it, and sometimes I miss the more important aspect of obedience. My thoughts automatically go to James 1:21-27. I want to be "doer," and not just a "hearer." That's only possible with God's strength.

Accidents Happen, Right?

Well, I'm sorry to say that I was in my first "real" car accident today. You know how it is, when it's rush hour, cars line up like there's no tomorrow, and sometimes you don't realize the one in front of you is totally stopped until you're a little close. That's what happened, and I really had enough time to stop, but it was cold and rainy...

As soon as I hit my brakes, I went sliding. I tried to swerve off the road into the entrance to a nearby condominium complex, but my wheel totally locked up, and I was heading straight for the car in front of me. I plowed into him going probably 35 mph. Thank goodness it didn't plummet him into the cars in front of him, and THANK GOODNESS the man I hit was very calm and very gracious. God knew I couldn't handle anything else.

What's even more disappointing is that just a little over a week ago, I finally had the repairs done to my front bumper that I'd been putting off. It had been needing it for more than six month, and I got to enjoy my new beautiful bumper and grill for a full 11 days. Ugh!!!

My neck hurts some, so I think I'm going to get it looked at tomorrow. Overall, I'm ok though. I'm so grateful.

The car didn't fare so well though, and I'm a little scared that there's been too much damage done. The thought of car shopping again totally overwhelms me. I guess I'll find out after I hear the estimate. This is the first car I've owned that I've really loved. My little black Vibe.

I know God will provide for my needs. Not always the exact way I'd hoped, but He always provides. All I have to do is trust Him. Trust and obey.